The ego thinks that what One gains totality must lose. And yet it is the Will of God I learn that what one gains is given unto all.

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The Question of Payment

July 17, 2024


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Have I achieved My goal in Life? Yes. Am I happy? No. Do I want things to continue as before? No.

But let’s start from the beginning: I probably suspected what awaited Me in this world because on December 27, 1971, just after Christmas, My birth had to be artificially induced because it was four weeks overdue. I cannot remember anything before the age of three but My mother told Me that for the first year of My “Life” I only slept, screamed or ate.

As a teenager I already knew that I didn’t want to grow old. I heard about sickness, hospitalizations and the side effects of the “medication” that old people in particular take and decided to die at the age of 30 or 40 to be spared from that. How I would do this I did not know. And I made another decision: I will never bring children into this world. I don’t want to put anyone through that. And at least this decision has held to this day. Then as now I feel like the child from Lesson 182: I will be still a moment and go Home.

But then, in My early 30s, everything turned out differently than I thought: I was happy! I had fun in Life, great friends and as a programmer I turned My hobby into a profession and made good money from it. I postponed My original goal of dying at that age for the time being.

I always wanted to work not only for other people but create something Myself. I really liked the “New Thought” movement from the USA with authors such as Florence Scovel Shinn and Emma Curtis Hopkins. The copyright on these books has now expired after well over 70 years and I thought about translating them into German.

But then things turned out again differently than I thought: I was probably too happy for some people and was forcibly psychiatrised against My will at the age of 36. The psychotropic drugs made Me depressed and I was just a picture of misery. That truly was the absolute low point of My “Life”. I didn’t know how to get through the day and it took Me over two years after stopping the “medication” to get back on My feet.

Yet later that same year something else happened: “A Course in Miracles” came to My attention for the first time. At first The Course was just a good book like others for Me. And a quite long one too. But I always got into a strange feeling when reading it. Something wasn’t right. “A Course in Miracles” and its German translation didn’t really work for Me. It wasn’t until 7 years later that I discovered the Urtext of The Course and was fascinated! This is the perfect book I have always been looking for. As Jesus Christ Himself says:

I was created as the thing I seek.
I am the goal the world is searching for.
I am God’s Son, His one eternal Love.
I am Salvation’s means and end as well.

Full of enthusiasm I sent out My first newsletter on December 6, 2016, St Nicholas Day. I thought that after a few years I would have published the English Urtext in full, improved the readability and translated everything into German. I also thought I could live from donations or even earn money with it. But I was wrong: My work is progressing more slowly than I would have liked and, above all, there is a complete lack of support.

The enthusiasm ended in disillusionment. But due to the lack of alternatives in My “Life” at the moment I am continuing. Of course I need money and would be happy to receive donations. Of course I don’t want My “Life” to go on as it has been and I want to have fun again. But it is the way it is. And on the question of payment I again give the floor to Jesus Christ: The Question of Payment

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